day 23 - the last person you kissed

We are going to skip days 20-22; they don't interest me.

My last kiss, hrrrmmmm. It probably should have never happened. I kinda liked you, but you're just another jerk. You're not my type anyways.
The kiss before that.. I REALLY liked you. But you proved to be just another asshole who didn't know what you wanted. You were just a lot of sweet talk. Once we got together everything was perfect. Then things went downhill.
Fuck that noise. I'm flying solo.
>=[

notes from sister

To the guy I like:

"You’re tearing my sister apart and you don’t even care. There’s no way that you are THAT oblivious to where you can’t tell when a girl is digging on you. You’re really pissing me off. You’re hurting her. You steal all her time away, just for her to care about you, while you care about everyone else. Your breaking her heart, and I’m NOT okay with this. Open your eyes you blind asshole! My sister is amazing. She has such a genuine heart and she truly cares for you. She’s always there for you regardless of how bad you hurt her and despite how you use her as plan b. She isn’t an emergency contraseptive for you to keep around in case you fuck up or you need help. Fuck. Shdhdhhfb. I hate you, Queerbait. Quit hurting my sister >:("
11/29/10

day 19 - someone that pesters your mind / good or bad

I'm pretty sure you saw this one coming.
You pester my mind, harsh ways, good way, but always. I wonder what you think about when you look at me, talk to me. Oh I could fill your ears with what I think about, but in reality, I don't have the nerve to tell you. You said it yourself, if the love of your life just passed by, you wouldn't acknowledge her. Well, what if I'm it..? When we discuss, the next girl, 'she better be good at digging'. Through the heartache, anger, the ash to rekindle the fire that's dulled to nothing but a little ember. But patiently, persistently, I dig little by little, my shovel may not be great, but it does what it can.
Sometimes I wonder if you already found this blog and play stupid about it. You know its there and you know I'm always on Facebook, so I'm pretty sure you've come across it. Maybe you just watch me pour my heart out onto these pages. I know you know how I feel. You can't be that oblivious.
Honestly, I never wanted to meet you. When we first started talking, you thought I was this intriguing, ambitious, beautiful, girl. I was afraid that after you met me in person you wouldn't think the same. I'm just a pretty picture. But I met you anyways, I don't regret it for one second, but I'm sure you've come to find out I'm ambitious, but lost faith; intriguing, but just like most girls; beautiful, but nothing compared to what you see in pictures. But there might be a chance you felt the same way I felt when we first met..
You're so handsome. Like no shit, you're incredibly good looking. Talk, dark, and handsome to the t. 6'5", Mexican and Portuguese, I don't usually go for facial hair, muscular, or gangsters, but you, sir, are the exception.
And I'm sure you notice anytime I back down in a conversation any time you mention how good looking another chick is. Guy talk? That means I'm stuck in the category friend. Maybe I'll be that friend you can't live without, the friend you fall in love with. I want to be with you, I want to help you be better, I want to be better. You make me want to conquer the world.
Maybe someday I won't be your second choice, your plan b, the if all else fails. I sit here on endless nights, listening to your pain, happiness, guy talk, but when you needed someone to help you from feeling so alone, I was the third choice. I played it off, but it hurt so bad. Then last night, you've known and been invited since I decided to have friends come over, but you decided to go with the others. You said you'd stop by 'way before 5', I stayed up until I couldn't any longer and still you didn't show. Not the first time either. But I guess that's what happens when you think you're significant, but turns out you're just somebody willing to text back.

When will I ever learn? Maybe I should just settle for someone who is actually obtainable. I could never get a guy like you.

"And to the rest of the world, god gave you the shoes
That fit you, so put em on and wear em
And be yourself man, be proud of who you are
Even if it sounds corny,
Don't ever let no one tell you, you ain't beautiful"
Beautiful -- Eminem