Aaron Jackson.
You are by far my favorite internet friend, the only one that I had enough courage to get in the car with. you have never stopped amazing me since then. You treated me like you knew me for years, it made shedding my shyness simple. Now you and Cali are moving, I came into the picture a little too late. Seeing the connection that you and all your friends, hearing what they have to say about you I'm in awe. You're all like family and they speak so highly of you. I got the privilege to meet such an incredible person, even for this short while.
Best of luck to you and cali in your new lives. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask.<3
I wonder if you read my eyes everytime a girl threw herself at you. Did you feel it? Could you sense how at ease I felt as you sat next to me? Just having your body so close. What made it worse you didn't move away. You felt comfort too.
I wonder if you noticed anytime I grabbed you, I didn't want to let go. Whenever your attention was on me, I felt an instant high & when you left I crashed. Sometimes it seemed you wanted my attention, any little thing.
Maybe I'm just reading into things.
Just so you know, I'm tortured knowing I'll only be just a friend.
If you haven't noticed already, I lied when I said I wasn't interested. I keep this blog away from you intentionally. Maybe one day you'll read and see how much I adore you. That'll be when I get the courage and both in the right state of mind. Who knows what will happen.
There's so much I can offer you. Give it a chance, you wont regret it.(:
this is a day early ;p
I'm not sure what it means by dreams, like aspirations or like my subconscious thoughts? I don't understand you half the time. The other half, you terrify me, so I don't want to understand.
For instance, currently I have this recurring dream. Its like a story, each time it progresses a little forward. But the beginning, each time it has a different one of my exes. We are walking happy, but there is no romance to it. As we walk down a path they grab my hand and once we get down there the current person I like is standing there, waiting.. The ex takes my hand and places it in his, smiles, then walks away, disappearing into the shadows. Then it goes into snapshots of our life together. Dates, events, our developing life as one. I seriously wonder what it means.
Dreams are so complicated. And more often than not, you can't even remember them.
FTN.
Maybe I'll start a 'Dreamworks' post.
Hopefully someone will help me figure them out.
" I love this blog you started. Amazing the things you learn about people. The things you have to learn growing up help you be a much better person, setting you up to be successful. You are an awesome young lady Lani. Very touching these writings are."
- Stephanie Lemons
Thanks skanksluthoebiscuit(:
I don't post this stuff for anyone but myself. It helps me talk through my life, maybe to better understand it, come to terms with things I don't understand. It's only a plus that people better understand who I am because of this.
To all- I don't look for pity. I seek knowledge, encouragement, a friend. Please, I hope you all start something like this. Talk through your life, you never know what lessons you might learn.
Christine- Noelle Hokulani DeForrest- you've been in and out of my life for the past 4 years, I do believe. No words can explain what that did to me. Now, I find hypocrisy or double standards. Whatever you want to call it.
You left me for months at a time, but I'm not allowed to leave with my friends for a few hours without guilt. You're insecure about my friends. You feel that they're 'replacing' you. I don't believe that's possible. I can talk to them about different things, in different ways. Some things just can't be said to you.
You know I love you more than anything. You're the truest friend I've had EVER. We've always been close. I don't foresee it changing anytime soon. I know times have been tough, we are both on edge, but it happens. Life shappens. We, better than anybody, know that.
Just the few precious moments we spend laying in bed, talking about everything, talking about nothing mean the world to me. Somehow we will figure this out. We will be happier. Trust me, its going to change.
Dana Elaine Thompson - Silly Bear(:
Oh my silly bear, you never stop amazing me. God gave me such wonderful gifts. I couldn't have asked for better.
As you may or may not know, I had no idea you were coming into this world. Mommy kept it a secret. I didn't meet you until you were two months old, I think. Mommy picked me up from school. I was a big bad tough fourth grader. Lani then is nothing compared to the Lani now.
I still see that picture, the first time I ever fell in love.
Now, you're away, it breaks my heart everyday, but I know its where you're safer. Better off, no matter how bad it sucks.
Some of the things you say and how strong you are make me question who raised you, and then I remember. Three of the strongest women to roam this earth.
Babygirl, keep your chin up. Keep going.
Daniel Alan Thompson Bubboo(:
Oh dear. The man of my life.
You, my handsome little man, are the most like me. Sometimes I feel bad for you because of that. You have my attitude, my strength, my weaknesses.
For this short while, you have my job, protecting my baby girl while I'm not around.
You've taught me so much about myself. You help me better understand my emotions because now I'm watching them from the outside perspective.
You and your sister inspire me to be greater. To do things I never thought I could possibly accomplish. Yet I do because you two give me the courage to push my limits, expand the horizon. You two deserve so much more than you have, I swear to any supreme being that you guys will get it, get everything.
Forgive me for my weaknesses, I wish you got better ones.
I love you more than anything.
Daddy, for the longest time.. I wanted to hate you. I wanted nothing to do with you for the rest of my life, but things have changed. Complete 180.
I love the man who you've become. You're now a constant in my life now, funny ain't it? Things change you never know how, never know when, but when they do it completely blows your mind.
The old you used to sulk, drown each day in a 40.. or two. We never really spent 'quality' time. Now we are catching up, and then some.
You told me when we first started getting close that whenever we part you feel the air get sucked from your lungs. Daddy, I hate saying goodbye, my lungs get tense.
Ma, I don't know what I could possibly say to you, yet I have a million things I should tell you.
You're my mom, but you're also so much more.
Your mistakes teach me, about life & sometimes about who I don't want to be. Your heart has proved to me that no matter how hard it rains, there will always be a rainbow after. Your love for people is inspiring, even when you're down on your own luck, you're always willing to do what you can. Often enough you gave the shirt off your back.
But then ma, sometimes it feels like I don't even know you. This is the addict. That's someone I don't know, nor do I want to. For a while, it was overrided the parent. And that was scary.
Mom, we lost the kids. From that moment, I couldn't stand looking at you, I played nice for Chrissy, I wanted to hate you. But seeing you as you started changing in program, my opinion has changed. I see the parent in you coming out. And I love it.
You've done a million wrongs by me; but you've also done a million and one rights. I hope someday this will all have been a minor speed bump in the road. Never forget how much I love you.
Do you want to talk about pain?
I'll tell you a little about pain.
Have you ever had your heartbroken? Then had all of the shattered pieces flow through your blood stream hitting every inch of your being. Your body go into shock. Any movement hurts. Your lungs so tense, no amount of resuscitation can bring you back to life. Every thought is filled with every negative thing your mind can conjure.
No lost love could possibly hurt you this way. Then what could..?
What about losing everything you held dear?
I lost the only two people that ever showed me the purest, rarest form of love. Why? A serious of rather terrible events. First off, mom fell hard for an asshole. Asshole couldn't figure out what he wanted, asshole searched for ways to hurt my family. Asshole accomplished his goals, but asshole isn't going to win this one. Now, I'm fighting harder than I ever had before. I found something I want more than anything.
you were my first love. & so far, my closest to ever being 'in love'. It's been a little over two years since we broke up, & now I'm finally beginning to understand everything.
I broke your heart, betrayed you. For what? Someone I consider the biggest mistake of my life.
I dedicated 3 years to you, some of the most wonderful times of my life. We did a lot of growing up together. A lot. The quiet girl & the kid who was so angry at life he didn't know what to do with himself. May 20, 2005; we went on our very first date. Driven by Brie, we drove to Mira Mesa (I never get that area right) and saw the Star wars Episode III. Words couldn't describe how incredibly nervous I was. The bunnies, the security guard, the existentialism of it all.
May 30, 2005; the day my life truly began. No matter how cliche it may seem, no day before this day truly mattered. This day marks the first day I truly knew how to smile, love, trust, feel. Everything a first love should teach, I learned ten fold.
Life together was incredible. We hit rough waters, but nothing that we couldn't overcome. Everyone wanted to be us, it was the purest form of love that one could find. It was two opposites coming together, growing, changing..
You taught me so much during our time together. I learned to accept myself, I developed a voice, a style. I can't possibly thank you enough for what you helped me become.
We'll skip ahead to post break up. Senior year. What a great year, we ran the battalion, drill teams, got ready to go to college. We even flew cross country together. You found new love, I found jealousy. I don't think I ever really hated her, of course she had traits I found rather annoying, but we were once friends. I've come to find out I was so harsh out of lord knows what.. jealousy? Envy? If I'm the one who broke it off, how come I came out the miserable one? It wasn't fair to you & now, I don't even have you in my life.
Then I left to school, you were so proud of me. We video chatted as often as possible, you saw me shrink (most exciting part), you saw me doing it on my own. When it came to your growth, it seemed I couldn't care less, maybe it was still those feelings carrying on. You got fed up and removed me from your life, now I feel it. it hurts, but i don't blame you, not for one minute. Maybe we can be friends again. Now that I acknowledge all of all this, you might give me another chance.
I love you & always. You can never forget your first love.
He called himself a broken man;
Love ripped out his heart,
& life left it in pieces.
He said, "my smile is broken."
"I can't hold my head up.
I've lost my way."
"Won't somebody save me?"
She was a broken girl;
Life tore out her heart,
& love shattered it to pieces,
She said, "I've forgotten how to smile."
"I've fallen & I can't get up,
not a prayer can save me now."
"Is there anyone out there?"
Funny how life works,
In such mysterious ways,
Faithful to destiny,
Directed by fate.
The broken man came across a broken girl;
He, ever so subtle, handed her the pieces;
With a gentle glance, "it seems to me you have."
A smile made its way to her lips, as if it never left.
"You, sir, have a piece missing, I see.
You've been fortunate enough to cross my path.
It seems to me, I have an extra piece here, you see?"
Ever so timid, she placed the missing piece in place.
With his heart whole, his smile mended,
He found his way.
Funny how life works;
In such mysterious ways.
Loyal to hope.
Guided by love.
She was a broken girl;
Life tore out her heart,
& love left it in pieces.
"A broken man heard my call,
He lifted me up,
& showed me how to smile"
He once called himself a broken man;
Love ripped out his heart,
& life left it in pieces.
"I came across a broken girl,
She taught me how to hold my head high,
I've found my way. She saved me."
Querido, I don’t know what brought me to you. But you should know, I’m going crazy about you.
Before you came around, I couldn’t remember how to smile. Then you introduced the smile Nazi & the smile hasn’t left since. I read back to the first messages over my yearbook, they make me smile. When I first saw you, I felt like I knew you, even though you used to work for LP for vons, I doubt that’s it.
I think its something greater than that.
Why does everything seem to match up? Our timing, in sync.
When you walked into my life, it was crumbling, I no longer felt the need to do anything but sulk. You found me & put the pieces back together again.
I never want to sleep anymore, because talking to you seems like such a better use of time. Reality is better than dreams. But when I do dream, its your face. Then sleeping doesn’t seem so bad.
You pull the friend card. It’s like a dagger in my heart. Then, to make it worse.. you said little sister. Ohh lord.
You remind me of everything good in my life.
But you’ll never know how I feel, its almost like I don’t exist.
It’s not like I’ll tell you any of this either, its just noise.
Maybe one day..
Querido, I like you. I want to help you forget about her, about the pain. I want to remind you about the good things, I want to show you romance, love, happiness.
I never want you to hurt again & with me you never will.
But yet, you’ll still never know. But I can’t say I never said anything, its right here.
No matter the outcome, I’m here for your downfall, your triumphs, tears, or the smiles. Always here, never forget that.
Andrew Lemons
You, sir, have affected my life in incredible ways. Meeting at vons the few times we hung out, prom, and our countless texts & phone calls. Now, you're gone. Washington, not far, but far enough. I feel the distance.
I love you, for everything you are. You remind me of simple things I should appreciate. You inspire me, you motivate me. Your family, so close.
Now you're gone, you're so busy. I never really get to talk to you, but once I see your name on my phone, my heart smile instantly.
Picture tag until odd hours, devil wears prada, my big bad wolf, spam musubi.
You're my other half. there's no doubt about it silleh sir lemons. No doubt.
With hopes of getting into my own head, I thought this blog might help me 'process' through my thoughts.
To start off, I decided to take a 30 day challenge. There's no guarantee how consistent I'll be, but as long as I get them done, thats all that matters, correct?
With each blog I'll write to/about one of the following people
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling(s) (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — A stranger
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one da
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
Aaron Jackson.
I don't understand you half the time. The other half, you terrify me, so I don't want to understand. 
you've been in and out of my life for the past 4 years, I do believe. No words can explain what that did to me. Now, I find hypocrisy or double standards. Whatever you want to call it.
Silly Bear(:
Bubboo(:
Joseph Manaole Jr.
Michelle Marie DeForrest
you were my first love. & so far, my closest to ever being 'in love'. It's been a little over two years since we broke up, & now I'm finally beginning to understand everything.
Alberto Pena Limon Jr.
Andrew Lemons